Professor Wurzel's WURZELMANIA!

The Wurzels - TV Music Videos

Over the years The Wurzels have performed numerous times on television and radio, but in the 1970's/1980's they made several appearances singing tracks that have never appeared on official recordings. This page will give links to such appearances, the intention is to add more in the future!

That's Life!

That's Life !  was a magazine-style television series on BBC1 between 1973 and 1994, presented by  Esther Rantzen throughout the entire run, with various changes of co-presenters. The show presented hard-hitting investigations alongside satire and occasional light entertainment. The Wurzels made three appearances on "That's Life" - each time in a specially commissioned music-video. None of these were ever commercially released and it remains unclear who actually wrote the lyrics and music.

 When Professor Wurzel recently approached Dame Esther about having these appearances  on her show made visible on this website she was only too pleased to help him!

                 "Esther says 'yes', of course, I’d be honoured!"   she said and sent her love to her 'favourite band'  "  so thank you indeed Dame Esther!!!


                                                                                                                     .....so here we go all you Wurzel fans - enjoy!

That's Life -  'The Green Pound'

The techy bit - In the United Kingdom, the 'green pound' was the common name for an exchange rate that was used to calculate the value of financial support within the European Union's Common Agricultural Policy The 'green pound' ended with the introduction of the euro in 1999.

The 'green pound' was hotly debated and ridiculed for many years and in February 1977 Esther Ransom asked The Wurzels to help explain to her viewers what it was all about...

This track was only ever performed once, for this show.

 Song Lyrics

That's Life - 'Devolution of Upham'

The techy bit - In 1977 the UK Labour government introduced separate devolution bills for Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland following the support for a Scottish parliament by the Kilbrandon Commission. A referendum was held on the creation of a Welsh parliament which was rejected by Welsh voters. Meanwhile, Scotland had narrowly voted in favour of a Scottish parliament with 51.6% in favour

In April 1977 Esther Ransom, with all the news headlines about devolution in Scotland and Wales, became aware of the devolution issues around Upham village in Somerset and asked The Wurzels to help explain the issues to her viewers ...

This track was only ever performed once, for this show.

Song Lyrics

That's Life - 'St Valentine'


The techy bit - St Valentine was a 3rd-century Roman saint, commemorated in Christianity on February 14. His Saints' Day has been associated with a tradition of love. Saint Valentine was a priest in the Roman Empire . He was martyred and his body buried at the Via Flaminia cemetery on February 14, 269AD, which has been observed as the Feast of Saint Valentine (St Valentine's Day).

In 1981 Esther Ransom asked The Wurzels what they thought it would be like for St Valentine if he was still around in the 20th Century they composed a little ditty for her......

This track was only ever performed once, for this show.

Song Lyrics

The Green Pound

We used to rule the waves they say
Our sterling knew a better day
Now with green pounds we’ll have to pay
Green pounds is ‘ere to stay

Now we’re in the common market
Things are changing quite apace
We drinks café for breakfast
Then blanc with chips and plaice
We buys our food from Holland
Belgium, France and Germany
And we ‘as to pay with green pounds
Cos our own are all at sea

We used to rule the waves they say
Our sterling knew a better day
Now with green pounds we’ll have to pay
Green pounds is ‘ere to stay

I went off to market
Some pigs I thought to buy
I saw some nice fat pink ones
That really caught me eye
I took the salesman to one side
His price agreed to pay
But when I took me cheque book out
He said with some dismay

Those pigs won’t make pork chops for thee
Unless green pounds you’ll give to me
Now with green pounds we’ll have to pay
Green pounds is ‘ere to stay

Down on our farm in Somerset
We have a motley crew
There’s fräuleins in the chicken run
Though the hens are still true blue
We ‘ad a Spanish toreador
Who came to milk the cow
But then that bullock saw ‘im first
He speaks with a high voice now

These foreigners from the EEC
They work our farms [?]
The green pound is their currency
Green pounds is what we pay

Though we hopes to rule the waves they say
Our sterling knew a better day
Now with green pounds we’ll have to pay
Green pounds is ‘ere to stay

Devolution of Upham

(Chorus)
We've got our own ideals, way down in the West
And we don't care what the Scots and Welsh do say
We're gonna make some changes, it'll all be for the best
When devolution comes down Upham way!

Down at the Duke of York, we've heard the landlord talk
He'll open up from dusk to dawn each day
He's giving up the pound, cos there ain't so much around
And a barrel of scrump will cost a bale of hay
An egg will buy a short, or half a glass of port
And a stick of rhubarb buys a pint of beer
But Nell the young barmaid costs a gin and lemonade
But Farmer Jones he reckons it's too dear

If your tractor should break down on the other side of town
And you really feel your blood begin to boil
When the Knacker's had your mule and you find you're out of fuel
Cos the Scots are keeping all the North Sea oil
For efficiency of course, bring back the faithful horse
Although she's slow you'll find she's cheap to run
And if you treat her well, and you can stand the smell
The bonus is a hundredweight of dung!

(Repeat chorus)

We teach our kids the arts, shove ha'penny punts and darts
Skittles poker and how to hold a cue
When they begin to play with the visitors each day
With luck they're sure to make a bob or two
Our snuff'll make you sneeze, you'll love our local cheese
Our scrumpy is the best that's ever been
We recommend you try, a pasty and meat pie
Cos these are quite the best you've ever seen

We've got the promised land, the weather's really grand
And tourists flock from miles around to see
How we've shed all our cares, we runs our own affairs
Got rid of income tax and VAT
So now we've had our say, on devolution day
We don't care what the Scots and Welsh decide
So if you want to devolute, raise your glass and say
salute!
And just let your conscience be your guide

(Repeat chorus)
Devolution, comes down Upham way!


St Valentine

St Valentine as we all know was the patron saint of lovers
But now in 1981 we find he's got the shudders
Cos as 'ee looks around 'im, he finds to his dismay
That people are far worse off now than they were back in his day
He came across a tavern, which was once used by the monks
But found to his amazement pink haired pimply punks
The girls they felt so jilted, and into tears they burst
Cos their boyfriends had to finish with the Space Invaders first
He left the pub quite hastily after sampling all the wines
And found his horse and cart was parked on double yellow lines
What have we here, what are these lines, what I have parked my wagon
He soon found out, as she leapt out, the dreaded meter dragon

(Chorus)
Poor old Valentine, in the 20th century
What can he do, where can he go, what a place to be
Poor old Valentine, a sad old man was he
With income tax and by-laws and blooming VAT

He headed up old Lover's Lane, a cart track in his day
But all the traffic seemed to come a very different way
Hello hello hello y'ere, a man in blue appeared
He was six foot twelve in his stockinged feet with a gurt big ginger beard
Let me see your licence, insurance, MOT
Or else I'll 'ave to ask you, to come along with me
You know this is a one way street, his anger not disguised
And just to do things by the book we'll 'ave you breathalysed

(Repeat chorus)

They're making saints redundant now with cutbacks and the like
Cos saints ain't got no union, and they can't go on strike
I know you need a mortgage to cover postal charges
But still remember Valentine by sending loving cardies

Lyrics Kindly transcribed by  E.Bryant
Verified by Professor Wurzel



Song lyrics are property and copyright of their original owners and are here for educational or personal use only.

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